Brown Bananas

So, there is low and then there is LOW. These are LOW. My friend Terry found these at a greengrocers in the This-is-basically-inedible Bin.

He must have been drawn to the red crosses that have been branded on them. It’s actually the first time I have seen rotten fruit branded with a ’bring out your dead’ style marker on them. I quite like it. I might start doing it every time I see a brown banana. I’m sure that will go down a storm in Co-op.

Anyway, he is now ‘ripening’ them further in his office draw. So that’s normal.

You might think that a new year would warrant a shelf-full of sparkly new and fresh bananas. Not in this shop. They have seen it fit to start the first working week of 2012 by offering these to people. Nothing says ‘this is my year and nothing is going to stop me’ like a bashed up banana. Think I’ll stick to a bagel.

Forget mistletoe and mulled wine, nothing says Christmas like a banana left to decay in a warm office for nearly a week. Well, that is if you are James Brown (no not that one) this one.

He left a banana to fester over the course of a week at his humid studio and sent me regular stomach turning updates about it ‘looking like it might explode’.

Grim.

Brace yourself for the photo-diary.

p.s. all I want for Christmas is a crispy green crunchy banana. 

What’s worse than one brown banana? Two smug looking brown bananas spooning. Look at them there, probably plotting something really evil.Thanks to Marc Starr for pointing these two smutty things out to me.

How moody is this? Found skulking about in the magneticNorth fruit bowl. 

My friend Sarah (@miss_SVLH) happened upon this fruit bowl of filth when she was visiting a friend recently. They make me want to scratch my own eyes out. And cry. And head-butt a wall. I won’t though. Having a calming peppermint tea and thinking about unicorns and rainbows instead. 

These were spotted on a fruit and veg stall in London. They are like a bizarre, revolting colony of leper bananas. Horrific.

My friend Helen (@helenrambo) spotted this heinous thing a few weeks ago. It was in the ladies toilet of a pub in Manchester. I am appalled by it and the fact they (who ever the banana belonged to) decided to ditch it whilst doing their ablutions in a pub toilet. I bet they are a JLS fan.